Forced Out Read online

Forced Out

  by Kennie Kayoz

  Copyright 2017 Coyotes Publishing

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  A Story

  Welcome to my story, we pick it up just after my 25th birthday.

  It didn't seem like a day I wanted to yell "Hooray !".

  A few days later I got talking to Jessica on myspace.

  After being a sweet guy she decided to meet me face to face.

  I told her where I lived, she knew the house well.

  She showed up as soon as I seen her I felt my heart fell.

  Things went great, we hung out.

  Near end of the month we decided to start to date.

  Then December came and almost changed that fate.

  December 20th 2005 I got a phone call early in the morning.

  As an emotional cloud started the storming.

  A accident, my Dad pronounced dead at the scene.

  My whole life crashed before me.

  I didn't know if she would stay by myside since we only started to date.

  My whole life was resting on that fate.

  Few days later the funeral happened, she came with me.

  She eased my pain.

  I had to do my best to put it behind me.

  I got an upside down

  Smile and I

  Got to wipe my frown

  dry my eyes

  The stress started to kick in.

  Food didn't taste so good.

  My weight dropped.. From about 230lbs to 200lbs.

  At times bouncing in the 190's.

  No energy to do anything, no apetite to eat.

  No food tasted good.

  Restless nights, turned more restless.

  Didn't know what to do...

  Times alone I wondered why it had to happen to him.

  Why not happen to me.

  I was the bad one, things coulda changed and Jessica not like me.

  Coulda took my life nobody woulda cared.

  At times I sat in the dark starring at the knives sitting out.

  Wondering if things would be better if it was me who wasn't here.

  I couldn't help myself to think that...

  Jessica is what stopped me, she was there for me all the time.

  She continues to be there for me.

  To comfort to hold, to hug to kiss.

  I got an upside down

  Smile and I

  Got to wipe my frown

  dry my eyes

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  ** Please Note: The lyrics in "bold italics" were my inspiration from the song "BiPolar by Krizz Kaliko" As I chose to incorperate them into what I wrote **

  MiZunderstood

  Being 6'4 isn't easy ya know.

  Standin above all.

  Lookin down, people be intimidated.

  Prob why people won't give me a chance.

  Afraid of pissin me off and rippin there heads off.

  Job sign says "we're hirin" you see my resume you call me.

  As soon as I stand up you get scared and feel that I'm a danger.

  Wrap me in yellow cautionary tape.

  Censor me like the word rape.

  You seem to preceive me as Dexter.

  One who eliminates the criminals.

  If that was the case you'd already be at the bottom of the lake.

  As you robbed me a chance for a job.

  Instead of hiring me you hired some slut in hopes of a blowjob.

  Which would give me the second swipe at you if I wanted.

  Cheatin on your wife whose sittin at home awaiting your arrival.

  Perhaps it would be a great surprise though.

  If you didn't arrive at home.

  You wouldn't raise your fist to her.

  So for once in her life she can go out and not shake because of fearing she may do you wrong.

  In all I'm a nice guy if you get to know me.

  If you happen to see what few do.

  Choose not to and it's not my fault how you choose to percieve.

  As I choose not to let you survive as you've already done the world wrong.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Prove To Me....

  Prove to me that somethin exists above, that someone is keepin an eye on me.

  With all the bad things that have happened in my life.

  How can you tell me that there is someone above plannin it all out.

  Show me that the one thing I read about in school was true.

  How in fact can we say there's a god.

  When everyone says they have there own.

  Who is the right one, is there a right one.

  If you choose wrong are we lookin for an eternity in hell for worshippin a false one.

  What is possibly going to happen. in the year 2012 when the earth aligns with the sun.

  Are we gonna burn up crisp... Be burnt and all sent to our eternal resting place.

  Perhaps these two thousand plus years were nothing more than a test.

  The world has failed it now we all gotta pay.

  We were all made in the image of someone false.

  We fucked up and the mistake has to be erased.

  The world shall end.

  We shall now start things over again.

  Let a new world begin as they hope to get things right this time.

  Or will this be final ending to humanity.

  Prove to me that someone or something is listening when I'm hoping for a better life.

  Or is it just me speaking to myself realizing that all this would have been no different if I found a kitchen knife.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Nothing Is Right

  No matter what I do, you tell me it's not right.

  I try to open my mouth to help you out, but it's not right.

  I thought when I left school the verbal harassment would stop.

  I was wrong, as I guess I was given another glass since the last one was over the top.

  You leave me a list of chores to do, things get done.. I still get yelled at.

  Just because he did something wrong you still take your anger out on me.

  I go out to a show or have a night out.

  Next day you have to dump more on me.

  To punish me for going out.

  Perhaps if it was me who died that day instead of Dad you would be happy.

  As I wouldn't be around, you wouldn't have to come visit me you can just forget.

  Remove my photos, burn the evidence and wipe my birth from your mind.

  Every little glimpse that you get of me shall be erased over a short time.

  Since this is all about you isn't it.

  You always wanted everyone to wait on you and do everything for you.

  If it was up to you, you'd want me to work 3 jobs and give you 3 different pay checks.

  Keep nothing for myself since I don't deserve it.

  I sit down here with the lights off and you still complain that I'm doing something wrong.

  I can't help but wonder if I was the mistake 28 years ago.

  Did you not want me, tried to give me up only to be rejected.

  Now stuck with me.. Shoulda just had 2.

  Wouldn't have had to worry bout the 3rd.

  I would have been someone elses problem.

  Your life would be perfect as you always wanted it.

  But you were forced to keep me.

  For whichever reason.

  You treat the other two with love.

  You always turn your back to me.

  To ignore me so that I'd
go away.

  In hopes of me being lead astray.

  Threats, threats and more threats.

  Keeping me up at night.

  Making me loose sleep.

  Perhaps if I woulda taken my own life.

  You would be happier.

  Well there's still time for me to do so.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  How Do You See

  You say nothing but good things about me.

  You hug and kiss me every day to show me the love.

  I don't see how you see these good things inside of me.

  I shouldn't have lived this long.

  I should have been long gone.

  Now I can't help but stare at you.

  Huggin an Kissin you back.

  As you make me feel accepted for once.

  I always feel that this is too good to be true.

  I'm waitin for this dream to end.

  To wake up alone again.

  Back in my miserable ways.

  You have changed my life for the better.

  I still can't seem to understand how you see all this good in me.

  I see nothing good in myself.

  I still feel as if I shouldn't be here right now.

  I should be dead or gone.

  Locked away in a padded room.

  Six feet under where you walk.

  Nobody in this world has given me a chance.

  But for some reason you have given me a chance to romance.

  People don't seem to understand me.

  When words come from my mouth they look confused.

  As if I should have found courage at the bottom of a bottle of booze.

  I still don't know how you see what you do say that you see in me.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  "We're Hiring"

  (One lone man roaming the streets job hunting)

  Oh look a sign that says "We're Hiring" finally a job.

  (the one lone man when giving in his resume being told "No" and his resume thrown out)

  (Man walks out of store.)

  I'm sorry since I'm not good enough for you.

  I'm sorry since I'm not good enough for you.

  I tried to find my way in your world, but your world continued to reject me.

  Peices of my resume is now the only mystery.

  Seems as if everything I've been told is a lie.

  All my pain was deep inside.

  I fail the more I try.

  My life is hell, I don't know why.

  No matter what I do I get denied.

  Can't begin to count the tears I've cried.

  I just want to run away.

  I've never had a shot at it anyway.

  I'm sorry since I'm not good enough for you.

  I'm sorry since I'm not good enough for you.

  Wish I could find peace