Emotional Outlet Read online

I'm deadly.

  The doctors will tell you that I'm not all there mentally.

  Kennie Kayoz

  One Year Ago

  One year ago you killed my father by thinking you could jump a yellow.

  You walked off with a broken leg an continue to be mellow.

  Did my Father have a chance to walk out, no not a single chance.

  90-5 the speeds between the two, no chance for any resistance.

  Now it's been a year an now I'm forced to live without a Dad.

  You never had the balls to send a fucking card to show your sympathy.

  You must have been drunk as fuck.

  Either that or your so fucking pathetic that you just plain fucking suck.

  Having to live the rest of my life with only one parent.

  When speeding up on that yellow you weren't sure of it.

  If I had the chance I would beat your fucking ass.

  To teach your fucking bitch ass a lesson for pressing down on the gas.

  Never once had the chance to survive.

  Never had a chance to be revived.

  Now I look down at the spot in which we buried him.

  Knowing what I have to live with for the rest of my life.

  Knowing that I'm forced to tell my kids they'll never meet there grandfather at any time in life.

  Having it slapped in my face anytime I go anywhere seeing families so happy.

  Hugging an loving each other at one time I thought so sappy.

  Now I can't do anything more than sit an glare.

  Saying "fuck off" when Christmas time comes around, just wanting to be alone.

  Now the realization of loosing him is always swimming around my dome.

  Having to work just a stone throw away from the scene.

  Damn near in tears every time I look at it, but having to deal with it to make the green.

  The only thing that was pushing me was wanting to do it for him.

  Then wanting to be just as good as him, but knowing that those thoughts will be slim.

  Having to deal with a ton in a half of shit no matter where I go.

  Writing off 2006 because of you fucking up the end of my 2005, now look how slow.

  Things went for me, not working for damn near a year.

  Takin care of my wife with the broken leg, just like what you had but yours you deserved.

  I wish I could just grab life's remote and reversed.

  Go back to the time so it wouldn't have happened.

  Know that right now I would still have a father and my wife could have gotten to know him.

  More so than just a few times that she did meet him.

  I now know that I just don't want anything to do with Christmas.

  I don't want to open gifts I don't want to put up a tree or do damn thing.

  Just leave it alone, it means nothing but bad memories.

  Burn the tree, never send out the cards, never do anything.

  It may mean things to others an religions may have different meanings for it.

  To me CHRISTMAS = SHIT.

  Nothing more nothing less.

  I want fuck all to do with the holiday seasons.

  I want you to give me a billion fucking reasons.

  That you did what you did.

  Tell me why he's not here right now.

  Tell me why he won't meet any of his grandkids.

  Tell me why I been through the worse year of my life.

  Having to deal with that an look at my wife.

  Laid up in bed with a broken leg.

  Me having to take care of her.

  Us having to put our lives on hold.

  While you continue to grow old.

  But yet I never will see my own Dad, but I hope that you have fucking nightmares.

  That night I fucking hope that it haunts you at night.

  Causing you to wake up an scream at the sight.

  Knowing the type of shit you have fucking caused.

  I fucking hope that you have to deal with that shit.

  Knowing that you have made me loose countless hours of sleep at night.

  Shaking thats fucking right shaking no doubt in total fright.

  Having to go through the rest of my life.

  With just a mother an my wife.

  Knowing she will never meet my Dad other than those 3 times she did.

  Now I'm forced to try an explain my emotions.

  When I get all quiet having to explain why when there are no reasons.

  It's nothing more than like having an un-cure-able disease.

  Being the Doctor to tell his patent that they don't have much time to live.

  My shakes turn from night to day time as well.

  Job hunting with my wife, shaking in the car an can't explain.

  Just knowing how shitty my fucking life is, knowing that I'm nothing.

  Kennie Kayoz

  Wants Me To be Fake

  All she wants is that fake shit in me.

  She doesn't want me to even be free.

  Nothing but bitching and complaining about every little detail.

  How I'm no good in various ways.

  Knowing that I'm useless every other fucking day.

  I don't know what to do with myself because all I do is sit in the dark.

  If I was a dog I'd do nothing but bark..

  Releasing my frustrations with noise.

  Instead of spending my time playing with toys.

  No wonder why I sit here with the darkness all around.

  My face always got a constant frown.

  I never am happy anymore.

  Perhaps I should let the alcohol pour.

  Be drunk like all the fuck up relatives that claim they're related to me.

  Maybe then they'd like me and want something to do with me.

  Do shot after shot after shot.

  POP, POP, POP

  Would they be happy after that.

  Doubtful cause they'd still be talking behind my back.

  Kennie Kayoz

  Murder The Major Influence

  Now tell me how are we suppose to take the murder charges seriously.

  You kill somebody and you get locked up and charged with all these degrees.

  The biggest murderers in the world get away with it Scott-free

  Bush, Saddam, Castro... many other higher forms of power get away with it don't you see.

  The thought of being locked away for a life for taking a life seems hazy to me.

  If it was suppose to be a real charge then they should have been locked away.

  They've killed more people than you can imagine, but they're out running the countries.

  I never could understand the power that is hidden behind the president.

  It seems strange, strange to me that they could do it and walk around with a smile.

  What they don't realize is what they've done is really vile.

  Taking millions of lives.

  Innocent an not.

  Getting other people to pull the trigger an hear the shot.

  They call it war.

  They hung Saddam cause of all the gruesome shit he did.

  Big mistake in my eyes.

  Retaliation isn't far from a surprise.

  Charles Manson killed people, they got him LOCKED UP.

  That was way before my time an he's still locked up and living.

  To stop the killing you must stop it on all fronts.

  Not just in the streets but world wide.

  Otherwise the world will end with death.

  Truly not the intentions of us being here.

  Truly not the thought of everyone who is sincere.

  Murder Major Influence.

  To lead by example is the best way to do things.

  If the major influence continues.

  Then the small people will too.

  Kennie Kayoz

  Wasted Life

  Life is enough to stress me out.

  Making me want to constantly
to scream and shout.

  I never know where to turn for help so I usually just write.

  Like many artists but this doesn't end up as a sound bite.

  I feel as if I've wasted my life.

  Here I am sitting as 25 with nothing to show other than a wife.

  Always struggling to pay bills.

  I always seem to have alot of spills.

  Nothing ever going my way.

  Not knowing what to do or what to say.

  I know I've wasted my life an had to put everything on hold for a year didn't help.

  Been out of work for a year who would want to hire me.

  Now it's getting to the point of nobody seems to inspire me.

  If anything I look at it that they've done alot more.

  Than I have, an that's why I'm sitting here all poor.

  Let's not to mention I'm also sore.

  Having to deal with my life the way that I have.

  Nothing ever goes the way that I want it to.

  That's why I'm always blue.

  Kennie Kayoz

  Frustrated

  I don't know how much longer I can do this I'm getting frustrated with everything.

  It seems like when I get up it's yet again the samething.

  Same bullshit morning, afternoon and night.

  It's becoming a real fright.

  Knowing what lays ahead of me as I go through each day.

  No matter what I do it seems as if I can't change it.

  Each day more and more shit.

  All people want to do is complain about the way I do things.

  Or various other aspects of my life, but since when are there lives so fucking perfect.

  They aren't perfect, not saying that I want to live the perfect life cause that's a pipe dream.

  Just for once I would like something of mine to work out.

  Knowing that I would have to do nothing more than drop out.

  Quicker than I did from high school knowing that shit wasn't for me.

  Knowing that I had to get out of that place to set my own life free.

  I couldn't deal with the shit back then an nothing has fucking changed.

  I'm the same kid, same fucked up voice with thoughts that are nothing less than deranged.

  Although I don't know what the hell else to do.

  I'm just fucking frustrated.

  Kennie Kayoz

  Get Ya Write On – Part #2

  Making the whole world shake.

  Knowing that it wasn't even a predicted earth quake.

  Looking at serving up a real dish of poetry.

  Rather than them bitches who don't understand the concept of the word.

  But when it's all said and done